A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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