i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
