I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
