so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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