It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
