Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
