i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
