you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
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Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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