K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
