I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
