So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
