Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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