You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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