Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Drake has all the answers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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