it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
