You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
