The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
