I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
