i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
