She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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