and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
