Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
