Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
