Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
