He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
