Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
