I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
