Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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