she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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