ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
