you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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