Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
