but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
