so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
