That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
