I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
