Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
