We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
