i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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