I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
