I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
