yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
