she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
barbara walters just said penis...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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