so explain again why im purple
no
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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