if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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