I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
