You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
