my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
