Tell her she can't have a vagina
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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