Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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