I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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