i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
