Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
