New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
