I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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