i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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