Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
