when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
