I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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