fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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