Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
