someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
