I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
