your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
