Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm at about main and main street
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
