is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
