wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
