I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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